Martians Don’t Eat Corn

by Laura Eno

istockphoto--corn field with clouds

They found Bart Haskins this morning at the bottom of an old well. Called it an accidental death, but I know better. Third death this week too. They weren’t no accidents. It was the Martians that done it.

Those three men wouldn’t believe me when I said that the Martians don’t eat corn and they better plant something else. No sir, they just went right ahead and planted like they always did, but look at their crops now – withering away even as the stalks are sprouting out of the ground. ‘Course the sheriff said their crops were poisoned, but it was really the Martians and their death ray. I tell ya, you don’t want to get on those Martians’ bad side. They’re some mean, nasty critters, if you ask me.

It all started back in the fall, when I was plowing. I had me some nice straight rows in the dirt when one of their flying saucers landed right smack in the middle of my field. I was some perturbed, I’ll tell ya. A mite scared too, if truth be told. I musta blacked out, but when I woke up there were these crazy circles in my field.

My head felt none too good so I went back home to lie down. That’s when I had the dream. You see, those Martians had taken me to their flying saucer and instructed me to tell the townsfolk that Martians don’t eat corn and we should plant something else. The dream brought it all back to me.

Well, I tried to warn the others, but they told me I was crazy or drunk. Just because I have a still don’t mean I’m always drunk. I’m gonna miss the corn on account of that, but you can’t argue with a Martian.

So anyway, I figured it’s their loss if they don’t want to make the Martians happy. But now that spring’s here, people are dying and I’m right scared. The law don’t believe me, either. They locked me up this morning, said they was gonna try me for murder and destroying crops with kerosene.

They’ll see though, when all the crops are dead. Then they’ll have to listen. I know the Martians will get me out of here soon. You see, I planted me some green beans. The Martians told me they really like those.

Laura EnoLaura Eno lives in Florida with three skulking cats and two absurdly happy dogs. After spending years immersed in college but never figuring out what she wanted to be when she grew up, she now writes novels late at night with the help of muses from the underworld. And, no, she still hasn’t grown up but that’s okay.

She is the author of fifteen novels and novellas, ranging from fantasy to romance to horror, and has stories included in nineteen published anthologies.

Explore Laura’s work at her blog, visit her Facebook page, or follow her on Twitter.

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23 Comments on “Martians Don’t Eat Corn”

  1. April 25, 2013 at 4:04 pm #

    Thanks for showcasing my cautionary tale about Martians, Melissa! 🙂


    • April 25, 2013 at 9:33 pm #

      You are so welcome! I’m delighted to give your Martians a home!! (hehe–I’m not afraid. I’ve been growing green beans for years…)


  2. April 25, 2013 at 4:47 pm #

    *gigglesnortin* Oh, hellfire. You best pay attention when them Martians are talkin’.

    Great flash, Laura 🙂


    • April 25, 2013 at 5:19 pm #

      They talk almost as much as goats, Netta! 😉 Thanks for stopping by.


  3. April 25, 2013 at 4:57 pm #

    I always knewed the Martians were a-comin’…. great flash, Laura!


    • April 25, 2013 at 5:20 pm #

      I think they’re already here, Patti! 🙂 Thanks for reading!


    • September 2, 2014 at 1:30 am #

      That in’ghitss just what I’ve been looking for. Thanks!


  4. April 25, 2013 at 11:16 pm #

    The lies a serial killer will stoop to! Well done, Laura.


    • April 26, 2013 at 7:52 am #

      Thanks, Ron! I’m fond of unreliable narrators. 😉


  5. April 27, 2013 at 1:05 am #

    Unreliable narrators are my cup of tea — oops, I meant Jezebel’s punch, of course.


  6. April 27, 2013 at 2:06 am #

    Dang I just bought the corn seed. I also got soybean, how do they feel about that? Just in case I think I will plant more green beans this year.

    Pamela Jo


    • April 27, 2013 at 7:20 am #

      I don’t think they care for soybeans either, Pam. Stick with the green beans and be safe. 🙂


  7. April 27, 2013 at 3:43 pm #

    Haha those evil Martians. I don’t understand why no one listens to this guy. 😀

    Always great to read something from Laura!


    • April 27, 2013 at 5:11 pm #

      You think they’d listen, Julie! He knows what he’s talking about. 😉


  8. April 27, 2013 at 7:26 pm #

    I thought I had left a comment yesterday. But I didn’t. ANOTHER joy and delight. I think you take talent pills. Rather a lot of them.


    • April 27, 2013 at 7:43 pm #

      Awww, thanks, EC! Talent pills, huh? I hope I can find a lifetime supply. 🙂


  9. April 27, 2013 at 11:59 pm #

    I don’t eat corn either, hmmm, does that make me a Martian? I don’t poison corn but it tends to, um, poison me. Must be a martian, then.


    • April 28, 2013 at 7:52 am #

      LOL! Thanks for stopping by, Sia, and for revealing your Martian ancestry. 😉


  10. May 3, 2013 at 11:18 am #

    Excellent story! I like that it looks like there really are Martians, but that it very well could all be in his mind with him causing all the destruction.


    • May 3, 2013 at 12:14 pm #

      Thanks, Eric! Are there Martians? Yes? No? I’ll never tell… 😉


  11. October 23, 2013 at 1:55 pm #

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    I’m hoping to check out the same high-grade blog posts by you
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  1. A to Z April Cat Challenge | Laura Eno - April 27, 2013

    […] I have a little cautionary tale about Martians up at Creative Thresholds. I’d love to see you over there! Click here for your personal flying saucer. […]


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